Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
