I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
