So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
