I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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