There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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