I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
