he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
