Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
