so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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