I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
