If i come over, it means nothing
we have pet lesbian snakes
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Found your dick twin last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
