My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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