...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
