FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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