Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
