i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
