wrigley field is MILF paradise
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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