I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
