haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
