i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
