You smell like stripper and shame
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
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