I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Green mimosas i think yes
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
