I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize