During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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