I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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