I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it was like eating out sand paper
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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