...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
