Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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