If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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