I wish I only lived at night.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
