mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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