john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
