Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
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I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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