You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
