Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
