SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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