I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
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Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
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And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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