Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
