I hope mine doesn't look like that
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
