I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
