he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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