did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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