YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Randomize
