My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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