so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
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PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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