Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
