I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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