I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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