its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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