Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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