I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
