im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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