What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
