How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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