But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
