my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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