There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
