woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
