if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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