Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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