Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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